Updated: Sep 6
It takes a lot of courage to get out of a toxic relationship. It can be cutting ties with a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband, BUT ALSO (and that's true) family members. People don't like to talk about it out loud because there are blood ties involved in that situation, but a toxic relationship can come from a brother, a sister, a cousin, a father, or even a mother.
There are two types of abuse: Physical and Mental.
Both of them are really bad but, if I may express myself that way, at least with physical abuse you can prove it cause you have the scar on your body.
Do you guys have any idea about the number of women/girls who die every day from a domestic situation? And of course depending on the part of the world people live, it might be even worse.
I am from Africa, Cameroon to be more precise, and let me tell you that the law does not do ANYTHING to protect women and girls (Yeah I said it!). Culturally for them it's normal. It's okay for a guy to beat his girlfriend and nobody will step in and stand up for that poor girl cause in my country a woman is supposed to shut up.
It's okay for a guy to beat up his young sister whenever he feels like his ego took a hit cause she had the courage to let him know he was overstepping his boundaries.
The truth is: It is NOT OK!! Nobody should lay their hands on you!!!
In this article, I want to focus on Mental abuse. I think it's the worst of the two of them. You want to know why? Because it's harder to prove.
You see people living in their pretty house or apartment, but you don't know what's going on behind closed doors. They smile in the pictures Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, make some nice Snapchat videos, . They even look clean and proper in the streets, but nobody knows what's really going on behind closed doors.
And of course, the more money they have, the less likely people will believe you outside, they will try to make you like THE CRAZY ONE when you start speaking the truth.
What I find even more disgusting is that they try to do abroad what they do to girls back home. They forget that abroad (North America, Europe) women and girls have their rights and the law protects them.
See, a lot of people coming from developing countries like to enjoy the residency status and citizenship of North America and Europe, but they forget that with that status also comes THE RESPECT OF WOMEN AND GIRLS.
Why do you think the number of women and girls still suffering from mental abuse is still high? Like I usually say, a lot of it has to do with two things:
1) CONTROL: When people feel like they cannot control you, they try to bring you down as much as they can with the little power they think they can have on you.
usually, it's through money cause the younger you are, the less likely you will have money of course, and they know you will need a place to stay until you can be on your own and provide for yourself.
2) Their own personal insecurities: I often say that people that have internal happiness and peacefulness cannot do any harm to other people.
That's why I think that people who have they own insecurities are actually scared of you (and slightly jealous of you). They are scared that a young person might outshine them. So they try to break you in pieces mentally by any means necessary so that you start losing your self-confidence and self-esteem and think that you are not worthy and capable of anything.
What they are doing is trying to make you feel guilty for wanting something outside the box and being ambitious.
They even blackmail you with money because in their mind they are like "SHE will never succeed and become someone without us! she will fail and is always going to need and depend on us until the end."
And then one day you decide to get away from them. Have you noticed that the moment they don't hear from you, they try to do anything to contact you and track you down?
They start emailing and texting you in a nice manner as if nothing bad or serious ever happened.
Because it's your family and there are blood ties involved, you tend to think "maybe they really changed", so you forgive (or at least try) and do your best to work on the relationship once, twice, three times, maybe more.
However, before you know it, the same behavior and pattern happens all over again. You realize that all that was A LIE and they only contacted you because they couldn't control and manipulate you like they wanted anymore.
But let me tell you, there comes one day when you fully say NO and this time it's for good.
There comes one day when you would rather start your life all over again and give them all the money they want than be around them.
It doesn't matter whether it's during your teens, 20s, 30s, or even 40s...
That's the day you claim back your independence and gain back your identity cause as the expression says "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!".
What are your thoughts on this?